Sirius Black and Doctor Who Meet Nyssa
by The Geeky Quill
Summary: Harry Potter & Dr. Who crossover with a bit of Douglas Adams thrown in for good measure. It's a farcical adventure of an American teenage girl, Sirius Black, and The Doctor. Now I've added Sweeney Todd in the mix. I think I'm cracked! LOL
1. Chapter 1

_a/n: Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter world, the Doctor Who world, The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy, nor do I own the wizard rock bands The Remus Lupins and Roonil Wazlib. I don't own Potter Puppet Pals, the web sites Live Journal, You Tube, and My Space. I own my house and in a way, my daughter. _

Sirius Black and Doctor Who Meet Nyssa

by

The Geeky Quill

An ordinary girl in an ordinary house in an ordinary town in California, which is an ordinary-

"Ok, we get it already!" the girl said testily. "I'm boring and average. I get it!" She glared at the narrator.

This girl, all of sixteen, wearing a grey Wizard Angst shirt, gathered her bathrobe, towel, etc. and shouted, "I'm going to take a shower!" She went into the _ordinary_ bathroom. The girl frowned at the narrator and said, "Don't start _that_ again." Just wait. We're getting to the exciting part.

She heard a _thump_ and then the shower spontaneously turned on. Then she heard an "Ah!" She turned and said, "Ah!" herself. And then, "A man in my shower!"

"Brrr," said the man as he stepped out of the shower. The next thing he knew, he was being whacked with a toilet plunger. _Thwap!_

"Oh my goodness!" said the girl. "It's Sirius Black." She looked down in awe at the man laying flat on his back with twinkly cartoon stars twirling in a circle above his head.

He sat up. "Ouch." He rubbed his head. "Hey!" he exclaimed when he noticed the slight girl with dishwater blonde hair. "Stay away from me!" he warned. He then rooted around for his wand and accidentally picked up the plunger.

"You're Sirius Black," declared the girl in glee. "You're so hot!" she observed most eloquently.

He found the wand and raised both it and the plunger, which he assumed was a magical weapon of some sort. "You're the smallest Death Eater I've ever seen. Where in Merlin's name am I?"

"Sirius Black is in my bathroom!" the girl exclaimed. "I have to go update my L.J." She went skipping joyfully out of the bathroom.

Sirius looked around perplexed. One minute he was falling through the veil at the Department of Mysteries and the next he was taking a spontaneous shower. He flicked his wand to turn off the shower. Even Sirius Black is mindful of water conservation. Too bad Nyssa isn't. Then he dried himself with a drying spell.

He wandered down the hall, following the sound of music. He spotted the girl from the bathroom sitting at a desk with her feet up and pressing buttons on some muggle device. It was, of course, her computer. She was typing in her Live Journal.

"O.M.G." she said. "I love this song." The song playing was "Dragons Make Very Nice Pets" by the wizard rock band Roonil Wazlib.

"Um," said Sirius. "I was just in the Ministry of Magic and-"

"Shhh," she shushed him. "Ha ha, Roanne posted a drawing of Tom Felton."

"Who?"

"Oh, um, Draco Malfoy."

"Draco! That's my Godson's arch nemesis and the son of a powerful Death Eater!"

"What are you talking about?" said Nyssa rolling her eyes. "I'll be off the computer in a minute," she said. It was a phrase she used often and without thought.

She posted a bulletin on MySpace. "_O.M.G., Sirius Black's in my house."_

"Excuse me. I fell through this veil and I need to get back to the battle. Are we still in the Ministry of Magic?" asked Sirius.

"What the heck?" she said with teenage disdain. "No!"

"I'm just going to go. I have to get back to Harry."

"No, don't go. Just a minute," she said as she typed away.

"Do you have a broom I may borrow?"

"Ha ha. What the heck? Just a minute."

"Never mind," he said. "I found one." He straddled a broom he found in the kitchen. "It doesn't seem to work," he said with disappointment. Suddenly he noticed the song issuing forth from the computer speakers. He heard, "_Have some respect for Sirius Black._" The Remus Lupins were playing now. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's about _me_!"

"Duh," said the girl. "Ok, I'm finished with the computer."

"Shh," he shushed. "I'm listening."

"Stop it mom," she said. "I know it's really you."

"Mom?" Sirius looked at her perplexed.

"OH CRAP! You really _are_ Sirius Black! Ahh!"

"Well then," he began. He was interrupted by a _KRRSH KRRSH KRRSH_ noise. A blue police box with a light on top materialized.

"What the?" said the girl and Sirius.

Out of the box stepped a fairly handsome and well dressed man.

"It's David Tennant!" exclaimed the girl.

"It's Barty Crouch Jr.!" shouted Sirius. "_Stupify!_" With a wave of his wand, Sirius knocked The Doctor out cold.

Presently, in walked a woman thirty _blah blah_ years old. She was wearing a shirt with the words _Don't Panic_ written in large friendly letters. "Nyssa, why is Jarvis Cocker lying in our kitchen? And who is this? Oh, is it one of your drama friends? I'll make some tea." She put on the kettle. "Alex, put down your plunger and stay a while."

When the tea was ready, she brought the tray to the table where Sirius and Nyssa were discussing who the strange man lying stunned on the floor might be.

"Maybe it's that guy from the Weird Sisters," suggested Sirius.

The aroma of the tea drifted through the air and revived The Doctor.

"_Sniff._" He sat up. "Ahh! Hello, I'm The Doctor."

"No, I don't think so," said Nyssa's mom as she leaned over to peer at him. "He has a long scarf."

"That was several regenerations ago," said The Doctor with a dorky smile.

"Whatever," said the mom. "Nyssa, get enough plates for you, Jarvis, and Alex while I get the biscuits."

"Nyssa!" exclaimed The Doctor with one finger in the air and eyes wide like a comic book character with an idea. "I know that name."

The mom rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah, I named my daughter after a Doctor Who character. I was young and nerdy when I had her," she confessed with a blush.

Nyssa sat at the table with her feet on the chair and her knees sticking up in the way that annoyed her mother.

"Hello, I'm The Doctor," announced The Doctor yet again. He sat down at the table.

"Yes, you said that already," said Sirius with his brow furrowed at these strange muggles. "You may call me Snuffles."

"Snuffles," sniggered The Doctor.

"_Wow_," thought Nyssa. "_Is it my birthday?_" she eyed them dreamily. "_I hope they don't notice I keep talking in a fake English accent._"

"Nyssa, do you miss Traken much?" asked The Doctor, mistaking her for one of his past companions who came from that planet.

"Huh?" she said ignorantly. Then she giggled.

"When did you leave Terminus?" he asked. That was where he had left her.

"Terminus!?!?" she exclaimed, thinking that he was referring to the upcoming Harry Potter fan gathering in Chicago. Then she began to wonder if she could bring Sirius Black with her. Everyone would think she was so cool. Suddenly she was awoken from her reverie by her mother with a movie camera.

"Smile everyone!" said her mom.

"Mum, put that away. Stop filming me!" Nyssa covered her face with her hands and her hair.

"Hello, I'm The Doctor," said The Doctor.

"Hello," said Sirius with a wide grin.

"Mom, I'm going to kill you," said Nyssa through clenched teeth.

"See you all on YouTube!" said her mom with a giddy laugh.

"Nyssa," said Sirius, "You should appreciate your mother more. I'd love to have a mother like her."

"Now Snuffles, old chap," said The Doctor, "Don't be so hard on our Nyssa. A girl has to be able to follow her own path. As I like to say to Jackie..." but Sirius just gave a yawn. He wasn't listening. Neither was Nyssa. She was sighing and thinking that her mom was so embarrassing and that the guys were so hot.

"Oi!" said Sirius. "Does anybody care that I left my Godson behind in a deadly battle?"

"He'll be fine. Dumbledore comes to their rescue," assured Nyssa.

"How do you know? Are you a seer?" asked Sirius.

"Uh, yeah, sure," muttered Nyssa.

"I have a plan!" interjected The Doctor with his finger in the air in a comical pose.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

of

Sirius Black and Doctor Who Meet Nyssa

by

The Geeky Quill

"Here's my TARDIS," declared The Doctor to Sirius. The shaggy haired man calmly regarded the big blue police box. It was not unlike the phone booth visitors used to gain access to The Ministry of Magic.

"Noooo!" howled Nyssa. "Don't go!" Then she rethought. "Wait, take me with you!" She hopped up and down like a manic jumping bean.

The Doctor unlocked the TARDIS and opened the door, ignoring the crazed teen. Sirius eyed her warily out of the corner of his eye. He tried not to get too close.

Presently, Nyssa's mom walked up in perfect motherly concern, "Nyssa, have you done your homework?"

Nyssa glared and growled under her breath, "_Mom_."

"What?" said her mom in mock innocence. She tried to conceal a smirk.

Nyssa muttered an expletive that would gain this fanfiction an "M" rating and then hissed, "You're embarrassing me. Come on. Let me go with them."

While her mom glowered and then quietly considered, Sirius Black and The Doctor looked around humming uncomfortably, not wanting to get in the midst of a mother/daughter combat.

"Ok," said Nyssa's mom, after careful consideration. "You may go, but don't stay out late and you must, absolutely _must_, bring a towel." Now, on any ordinary day, the conscientious parent wouldn't dream of sending her daughter off with complete strangers for a random jaunt around time, space, and other dimensions, but it was May 25th, after all.

"What's the significance of May 25th?" asked Sirius Black, looking perplexed at the narrator.

"Why, it's Towel Day, of course, and that's all the explanation you're going to get at this time."

Nyssa's mom handed her a purple bath towel and brought a stick of celery for the time lord. "For your lapel, Doctor," she smiled sweetly.

"Er, I don't do that anymore," he explained politely.

Sirius took the celery and munched on it. _Crunch crunch_.

"Bye mom." Nyssa kissed her mom goodbye.

"So long and thanks for all the fish," replied her mom with a wink.

The Doctor lead Sirius and Nyssa into the TARDIS and shut the door.

"Your mum's weird," said Sirius.

"Oi!" exclaimed The Doctor. "It's changed." He was right. The console room of the TARDIS was white walled and of a simpler design reminiscent of the Tom Baker years.

"Don't worry about that. It's just that I'm old school."

The Doctor nodded in understanding at the narrator and went about setting the controls.

Sirius Black was beginning to become impatient. "To the Ministry, please!"

"Nyssa," said The Doctor, ignoring Sirius's outburst, "It's good to have you back on board."

"Can't I be Rose?" she asked hopefully.

"No," he quickly replied.

"Don't you want to kiss me?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Um," he replied with a blush.

_a/n: I still don't own the Harry Potter universe, the Dr. Who universe, nor do I own anything by the late great Douglas Adams. b.t.w. Towel Day is in honor of him. I do hope you'll review. I welcome comments, both positive and negative -as long as they aren't blatently rude _:-( _Anyway,_ _I do hope you found this to be at least somewhat amusing_.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

of

Sirius Black and Doctor Who Meet Nyssa

by

The Geeky Quill

The Doctor whistled happily as he fiddled with the TARDIS controls, apparently forgetting for the moment, his two passengers. Nyssa was running her fingers through her hair, wishing she'd thought to bring a brushand Sirius stood impatiently thinking he'd like to transform into a dog right about now and bite the Doctor on the bum.

"Oi!" exclaimed Sirius, "To the Ministry!"

"We're here," announced the Doctor.

"At the Ministry?" asked a hopeful Sirius.

"No," said the Doctor.

He stepped out of the TARDIS. Nyssa and Sirius followed. They were in London in what looked to Nyssa to be the Victorian era. At least, that was what she fancied it to be. In truth, she'd only ever heard that term in the special features section of her "Corpse Bride" DVD.

Presently, a horse and buggy passed by, splashing muddy water on Nyssa and Sirius. Astonishingly, the slosh completely missed the Doctor. He looked down at their muddy legs to appraise the situation. He nodded, cocked his head, and flashed a smile.

"Well, lock 'er up when you're through changing, won't you?" he said offhandedly.

The Doctor tossed a key to the TARDIS to Nyssa. Her eyes widened in amazement and sheer rapture as she watched it arc in slow motion through sparkling sunlight toward her outstretched hand. At the last possible moment, however, Sirius snatched it out of the air with a mad grin and pocketed it. Nyssa gave an incredulous gasp as her hope of becoming an official companion vanished.

As Sirius and Nyssa went to the wardrobe room to change, the Doctor went sauntering down the road, hands in his pockets, and humming to himself. He came upon a building with a barber pole, decided he needed a shave, and leapt up the stairway. The lower story was occupied by an eating establishment that advertised meat pies.

Meanwhile, in the wardrobe room of the TARDIS, Nyssa found a long dress in the perfect shade of blue and exclaimed, "3399FF! My favorite color!" She grabbed the dress along with several black lace petticoats and stepped behind a screen tochange. She neglected to replace her tattered black Converse high-tops, though.

Sirius donned a pair of black trousers, a white ruffled shirt with black bow tie, a burgundy velvet smoking jacket, and a rather dashing black opera cape. As he admired himself in front of the mirror, Nyssa stepped from behind the screen. She looked him over, shrugged off the feeling that his costume looked somewhat familiar, and said as she grabbed her towel, "Let's go find the Doctor."

After they stepped out of the TARDIS, Sirius locked the door with his wand.

Nyssa screeched, "_You_ don't even _need_ the key!"

"I know," he said with a smirk. She smirked right back. He offered his arm and she took it. Then they went strolling down Fleet Street. I mean, how could she possibly stay angry with Sirius Black?

In the meantime, the Doctor paced around inside the barbershop, as if looking for something, while the barber kept trying to coax him into the chair. The barber had a civil manner, but his hair, which was black with a shock of white, was rather wild.

"There's something here," said the Doctor thoughtfully. He pulled out an alien device and flipped it on. It made a whirring noise as two metal prongs popped out and spun. The barber was slightly taken aback and fingered his razor nervously. The Doctor scanned the walls slowly as the device gave small Beep-Beep noises.

"Please, Mister-" began the barber, gesturing toward the chair.

"Doctor," said the Doctor, tossing a grin over his shoulder as he scanned around the window.

"Doctor, please, have a seat."

"O.K. I will," said the Doctor with a chipper smile. He put the device into the pocket of his jacket and hopped into the chair. The barber tipped the chair back a bit and the Doctor shut his eyes with a sigh of relaxation.

At the same time, down the street, Sirius suddenly pulled Nyssa into a doorway.

"What?" she exclaimed.

"Shh," he hushed as he peaked around the corner. "It's Pettigrew and Snape," he whispered.

"Who?" said Nyssa in a dreamy tone as she stupidly beamed up at him. Being squished in a doorway alcove with Sirius Black made her teenage blood run a bit warm.

"Peter Pett..." He stopped short as he noticed her lost gaze and became momentarily flustered. "Er...Never mind. They're both Death Eaters; that's the main thing." He wondered silently what they were up to and growled inside at the thought that he always knew Dumbledore shouldn't have trusted _Snivelus. _Sirius toyed with his wand trying to decide how best to strike.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

of

Sirius Black and Doctor Who Meet Nyssa

by

The Geeky Quill

Nyssa finally came to her senses. She said, "I don't think that's Snape. His hair actually looks_ good_."

"It's a disguise," whispered Sirius as he peeked around the corner. He suddenly drew back. Judge Turpin and The Beadle were walking by, deep in hushed conversation. Sirius put his arm around Nyssa and spun her and himself toward the wall. She squeaked in protest, so he put his hand over her mouth.

Meanwhile, in the barbershop, the Doctor's face was well lathered and the barber was sharpening his razor on a strap.

"There's nothing like a good close shave, is there Mr. Todd?" said the Doctor.

The barber began to reply, "Quite right-"

"Or," the Doctor continued, "should I say, Mr. _Barker_."

The barber stopped short. A maniacal look crossed his face. He strode slowly toward the Doctor who still appeared relaxed in the chair. The edge of the blade was deadly sharp.

Meanwhile, back on the street, Sirius and Nyssa began following Turpin and the Beadle, still believing them to be Snape and Wormtail. Sirius had a wild look in his eye. Nyssa nervously gripped his arm. She had those deceptively small fingers that could hold a talon-like grip. Had he not been so intent on his quarry, he would have noticed that she was giving him tiny bruises.

"Look out! Look out! There's evil about!" howled a crazy old beggar woman as she leaped in front of them.

Nyssa clutched at her chest and gasped. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Sirius wrestled his arm out of Nyssa's clutches and moved toward the woman. "What do you know?" he demanded.

"Smoke, fire, mischief!" she replied unhelpfully.

They were interrupted by a boy standing outside a shop and singing about meat-pies. At the sound of the word, "meat-pie," Sirius froze. His nose twitched, his nostrils flared, and he breathed in deeply. Forgetting the crazy old woman who went skulking off anyway( having exhausted her repertoire of Cassandra-like rantings), Sirius announced that it must be around lunch time, or dinner time, but definitely just about the right time for a bite of something. It was always thus. While Remus tended to think with his heart, James with his um... "manhood," Sirius always thought with his stomach, especially when the last meal was more than a half an hour ago.

"Care for a meat-pie?" he inquired.

"Ew!" Nyssa explained that she was a vegetarian which sent Sirius into a long and wheezing laugh which caused his sides to hurt. Seeing absolutely nothing funny about abstaining from animal carcasses, Nyssa merely stood frowning severely at him with her bottom lip puckered out.

Just as suddenly as he began laughing, Sirius stopped dead. He sprinted past Nyssa and pulled his wand out. His face twisted as he formed one word, "BELLATRIX!" The matron of the meat-pie eating establishment, one Mrs. Lovett, leaped backwards, knocking over a table. The couple eating there suddenly found their lunch splattered across the patio eating area.


End file.
